Burger Breakdown: Chop House Burger


Remember a while back when you read a story about the moron who went to the wrong Chop House restaurant to have a burger? No? Ok good, neither does anyone else. But in case you were curious, here is his story of redemption.

“The Burgerman,” or as his friends called him, Jody, has never lived down the time he went to the wrong Chop House on Main Street. He tried explaining there were two Chop Houses within blocks of each other, but his explanations fell on deaf ears. Everyone mocked him. “You went to a steakhouse for a burger! You’re so dumb, you would go to the dentist for a Bluetooth!” They yelled at him. He spent night after night sobbing in the shower, just praying that one day he would finally find the correct Chop House on Main Street.

Friday would be his day.

After weeks of searching, Jody’s camera-toting companion “Lil’ French Fry,” or Dustin, called Jody and told him he had located the elusive Chop House Burger. “We can do this,” said Dustin.

“It’s just … it’s just too soon,” whimpered the embarrassed Burgerman.

“No. The time is now; you be a man and finish this. Your readers need this and so do I,” pleaded Dustin.

“I’ll do it. But not for you. I’ll do it for the Goodtime Burger Gang.”

“I don’t think your readers want to be called that.”

And so they went. It was a harrowing journey, involving driving around downtown for more than ten minutes trying to find a parking spot. Then after locating a spot, they dug around the Burgermobile (Jody’s SUV) for another few minutes trying to find change to put in the meter. Finally, after finding three quarters under the driver’s seat, Jody and Dustin walked in the sweltering heat to Chop House Burger. After a while Jody finally saw it “It’s beautiful, I never imagined it like this. The picnic tables, the delicious smells, all the people. It’s just perfect,” he said.

They have a cow painted on the wall. You know, just in case you forget that hamburgers aren’t actually made from ham. (Photo by Justin Hutchison)

Once inside, both Jody and Dustin ordered the Chop House Burger ($5.95) on the insistence of one of the many businessmen in line. Both of them were hesitant about the black truffle sauce included on the burger, but soon both would be proven wrong. After ordering, Dustin could tell Jody was just happy that it was over. The stress of going to the wrong restaurant looked to just melt away as they looked around the place for a place to sit. After a quick scan of the seating area they found an open space at one of the many crowded picnic tables. They shared a table with an older couple that looked none too happy that they were there.  This didn’t bother the either of them, as both were looking forward to the long awaited burger.

After a short wait and a brief discussion about the Bonsmara, Texas-raised beef; their burgers were delivered to the table.  Right away they both knew that this burger was worth the wait. The first thing Jody noticed was the thick, hearty-but-soft, toasted Brioche bun. It would undoubtedly hold under the strain of containing the true treasure: a patty upon which the black truffle sauce had been generously portioned, and a not insignificant helping of cheddar cheese. The patty was cooked to medium with a line of pink peeking through the middle, just the way he ordered it. Satisfied with what he saw, Jody took his first bite, and was pleased. It was a revelation shrouded in earthy, cheesy meatiness. To his schocked surprise, it was a bite that made the entire debacle worth the effort.

As the truffle sauce messily dripped off of Jody’s chin, observed to Dustin, “The Goodtime Burger Gang is going to love this.”

“Stop calling them that. It’s never going to catch on,” said an annoyed Dustin.

After finishing their meal, Jody and Dustin examined their empty baskets. “Definitely one of my favorite burgers in Dallas,” said Dustin. Jody, glad that the episode was behind him, agreed; and both exited the Chop House Burger confident that the adventures of Burgerman and Lil’ French Fry would continue on for years to come.

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